Idiot Savants, Michael Flatley, and Poker.
Now I suppose you are wondering what the hell those have to do with one another. You must have patience, Grasshopper, soon all will become clear.
As some of you might have read in my September 20th blog that I play in a monthly poker game at The Diabolical Mr. Kim's Ultimate Lair of Evil. As per his request, I am blogging my epic night of flat out poker mastery.
Ok, so I got lucky as shit too, but hey this is my blog deal with it.
Now before I start, there was a discussion early in the night about the type of balls one plays with. Clint and I we having great fun quoting the movie Snatch. (Great flick I highly recommend it). Here I will quote Bullet Tooth Tony's fantastic monologue when approached by three thugs looking for a large diamond:
*Editors note harsh language ahead
Bullet Tooth Tony: So, you are obviously the big dick. The men on the side of ya are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big brave balls, and there are little mincey faggot balls.
Vinny: These are your last words, so make them a prayer.
Bullet Tooth Tony: Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two small mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties mangled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with ya. The fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your gun. And the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five O" written on the side of mine, should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... Fuck off.
Also before I go on I would like to state the above, while good, doesn't do justice to how it was presented and delivered in the movie.
Onward to the poker. You do remember this blog was about poker, right?
If you haven't read the earlier post, I mentioned here that having won last month I am the reigning champ. So I was back to defend my title or at least make a good showing of it. Quick scene, since we had a number of cancellations we only had five players, clockwise to my left, Won, Ken, Nathan, Clint, Myself.
I got off to a great start. I started out a little passive aggressive. Betting hard, and taking down a number of early pots. Now while they were not very big, it never hurts to add chips early. Now I won't tell them where, but yes some of those were buffs, others were not. So there was some good lay downs in there too.
I think the guys were a little out of sorts since I was taking pots early and the fact that they didn't have any easy money to take down.
But Clint did remind us this was going to be hard to do since Frenchy (Easy Money), 'Oh I fold', was not there.
I'm serious the man folds more then a Japanese Origami Artist.
Things were going well, even though the cards dried up.
That is until I got Frenchied*.
Thats right, Since I was still up overall on chips, I played a pair of 3s, thinking that since early in the night everyone had brought their "little mincey faggot balls" I pushed again. The flop, turn and river were all over and only Nathan hung with me. The show, you got it, he had a pair of 4s to over take my 3s. Worst still he only had one in his hand the other was on the table.
KHAANNNNN!!!!
It was a bad play on my part. I should have bet harder to try and scare him off which I think I would have been successful had I done so.
Now I would like to point out there is a hard rule Won has about playing. He calls it the "Know what you got rule" Quite simply it means just what it says. Know what the hell hand you have. On a number of occasions people have either betted thinking they have a hand or not even realizing the hand they have has won. The point is to know what you have in case we miss it. In case we say you loose when you actually had the better hand. But seeing as how we aren't that serious and we consist of a bunch of SofaKings, what do you expect?
Unless you encounter a retard with super powers. More on this later.
I would like to add to Won's list of rules. When you are all hot for the action and eager to see the flop. Remember not to sit back into your chair and look like some ones dog waiting for the tennis ball to be thrown, we you are in fact the dealer yourself.
Won and Ken were guilty of this several times when looking for the flop only to remember suddenly or with a not so subtle reminder that is was themselves that were to deal the flop.
That's right gentleman, Don't get all excited to see the flop then sit there staring at the table like a retard wondering where it is.
New rule should be: Remember that you are the dealer!
Now I took a few decent hands, lost a few others. Won went on a tear for a bit however taking a chunk out of each of us to varying degrees. Nathan the biggest. No one was busted out, but Nathan was dangerously low on chips.
Nathan did make some noise doubling up twice while Ken and Myself started to get low on chips.
Then Ken gets lucky, with Won & I think Nathan in for a big pot, Won has QKs, Nathan 10 6 unsuited. Flop is 6, 10, 9 Rainbow. Nathon has two pair. No help to Won. We see a 3 on the turn. Looks like Nathan is going to take the pot, when Ken catches an Ace on the river to get a set and take the hand. Now if I am recalling correctly Ken had a lower chip count so no one busts out. However Nathan on the ropes again and it takes a chunk out of Won.
I think pots move around the table again with Nathan again making a decent stand to keep himself in the game, if only just barely.
Somewhere in the middle of that. Clint and Won go at it in a hand. I believe most everyone got out early (I know I was) and these two are dueling it out. Now I think it was after the flop or turn. Won has first bet, but Clint forgets and throws out a big bet. Won looks at him and says that he hasn't done anything yet. Clint looks befuddled and says oh, I thought you checked.
Won says no. Clint withdrawals the bet. To which Won then states. "I Check." Clint throws his bet back out while reply with the comment:
"I knew you were going to check."
To which Won responds with "What are you psychic now?"
Clint replies with "Yes."
Which prompts me to chime in with the following statement:
"Won even some retards have special abilities. They call them savants."
I believe it was a good few minutes before anyone could continue. I also realize that at this game it is very hard to keep any kinda poker face since we do nothing but crack jokes and razz the shit out of each other all night.
Oh well, it is loads of fun to go anyway.
The games moves on with nothing major happening.
That is until River Dance strikes again!
Ken gets Won & Nathan in all in (we had just passed the 10pm mark by this time) Won has JKs, Ken Ah Kc, Nathan 9 10c. Flop is 2 clubs (3 & 7 I believe) and a heart. Qc on the Turn to give Nathan a Queen high flush. We are thinking Nathan has it until we realize Ken has 4 clubs and if he catches another on the river he will have a King high flush.
And...
...You got that right River Dance catches a 8c on the river to bust them both out. It amazes me how he gets this shit so often.
So Clint thinks Ken should do a dance every time he catches crap like this again. Personally I think Clint is a little to familiar with the material since he even demonstrated a dance. Hmmmm....
But I think Ken is going to permanently get the nickname of River Dance, since he does this dance with the river far, far too often.
I was doing alright having taken a small chunk out of Ken, and some chips off Clint, not to mention a chunk out of Nathan just before he went out to at least build up a respectable chip stack. That is until I pulled a Won. I let Clint take a big chunk out of me. Now unfortunately I don't recall the hand and I forgot to take any notes. But I put him all in with a set while some how I miss the fact that he had a flush or straight. This was a huge blow. I lost about 13k to him and was down to about 5 or 6.
Now I will regret to inform you that I didn't keep very good notes here. I was concentrating on staying alive and getting back into the game so I totally for got to take decent notes. That and I am a little new to the blogging thing. So yes, I am an idiot.
I do remember Clint, Ken and myself dueling it out for a long time. Pots moving around. Myself gaining some chips back to at least have some to make some noise. Finally I think Clint took a hit from Ken and then I busted him out shortly thereafter.
This left Ken and myself heads up for a long time. Blinds went back and forth so fast the two dedicated dealers couldn't keep up.
I was up, Ken was up, even at one point. I finally got back up a few chips more then him and got him all in with J3 suited, While I have A3 Suited. Flop was rainbow 8 9 3, then a 2, and a 6. No help to anyone other then the pair of 3s and I had the Ace kicker.
And there you have it. All over but the shouting. I took home the bacon. I do think it was some of my best poker since at one point in the night I thought I was going to be the first to bust out, not to mention after Clint's smackdown. I was seriously hurting. Yet I stayed calm and did my best to stay in it. I also realized now that I have been heads up 4 times and won three. The only blemish was against Clint who I had a chance to bust out twice with better hands only to have him suck it out both times.
But now this makes things interesting for next month. We now have a Hitman side pool. This is for any repeat winners. Everyone who wants to puts in $2 to play for the chance to win that pool if they knock out the last winner. In other words I am marked for a hit next month and they will be pooling for me. Remember we only to this for the player who has won twice in a row.
Still there is some debate on what happens should I win again. I think the money should roll over for the following month again. I believe that Won is giving it back. Personally if no one can knock out that person and he wins for a third straight time, it should be rolled over. If you can't beat him at all then you don't get it back.
Unless of course, someone who didn't buy in would knock me out. Then it should be returned. Why should you pay a penalty for not have the right cards at the right time.
*Yes, the man cannot escape even though he was not there. I should note that he was not there due to health reason, and we would all like to see him get better soon...
...so that we can take his money next month.
As some of you might have read in my September 20th blog that I play in a monthly poker game at The Diabolical Mr. Kim's Ultimate Lair of Evil. As per his request, I am blogging my epic night of flat out poker mastery.
Ok, so I got lucky as shit too, but hey this is my blog deal with it.
Now before I start, there was a discussion early in the night about the type of balls one plays with. Clint and I we having great fun quoting the movie Snatch. (Great flick I highly recommend it). Here I will quote Bullet Tooth Tony's fantastic monologue when approached by three thugs looking for a large diamond:
*Editors note harsh language ahead
Bullet Tooth Tony: So, you are obviously the big dick. The men on the side of ya are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big brave balls, and there are little mincey faggot balls.
Vinny: These are your last words, so make them a prayer.
Bullet Tooth Tony: Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two small mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties mangled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with ya. The fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your gun. And the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five O" written on the side of mine, should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... Fuck off.
Also before I go on I would like to state the above, while good, doesn't do justice to how it was presented and delivered in the movie.
Onward to the poker. You do remember this blog was about poker, right?
If you haven't read the earlier post, I mentioned here that having won last month I am the reigning champ. So I was back to defend my title or at least make a good showing of it. Quick scene, since we had a number of cancellations we only had five players, clockwise to my left, Won, Ken, Nathan, Clint, Myself.
I got off to a great start. I started out a little passive aggressive. Betting hard, and taking down a number of early pots. Now while they were not very big, it never hurts to add chips early. Now I won't tell them where, but yes some of those were buffs, others were not. So there was some good lay downs in there too.
I think the guys were a little out of sorts since I was taking pots early and the fact that they didn't have any easy money to take down.
But Clint did remind us this was going to be hard to do since Frenchy (Easy Money), 'Oh I fold', was not there.
I'm serious the man folds more then a Japanese Origami Artist.
Things were going well, even though the cards dried up.
That is until I got Frenchied*.
Thats right, Since I was still up overall on chips, I played a pair of 3s, thinking that since early in the night everyone had brought their "little mincey faggot balls" I pushed again. The flop, turn and river were all over and only Nathan hung with me. The show, you got it, he had a pair of 4s to over take my 3s. Worst still he only had one in his hand the other was on the table.
KHAANNNNN!!!!
It was a bad play on my part. I should have bet harder to try and scare him off which I think I would have been successful had I done so.
Now I would like to point out there is a hard rule Won has about playing. He calls it the "Know what you got rule" Quite simply it means just what it says. Know what the hell hand you have. On a number of occasions people have either betted thinking they have a hand or not even realizing the hand they have has won. The point is to know what you have in case we miss it. In case we say you loose when you actually had the better hand. But seeing as how we aren't that serious and we consist of a bunch of SofaKings, what do you expect?
Unless you encounter a retard with super powers. More on this later.
I would like to add to Won's list of rules. When you are all hot for the action and eager to see the flop. Remember not to sit back into your chair and look like some ones dog waiting for the tennis ball to be thrown, we you are in fact the dealer yourself.
Won and Ken were guilty of this several times when looking for the flop only to remember suddenly or with a not so subtle reminder that is was themselves that were to deal the flop.
That's right gentleman, Don't get all excited to see the flop then sit there staring at the table like a retard wondering where it is.
New rule should be: Remember that you are the dealer!
Now I took a few decent hands, lost a few others. Won went on a tear for a bit however taking a chunk out of each of us to varying degrees. Nathan the biggest. No one was busted out, but Nathan was dangerously low on chips.
Nathan did make some noise doubling up twice while Ken and Myself started to get low on chips.
Then Ken gets lucky, with Won & I think Nathan in for a big pot, Won has QKs, Nathan 10 6 unsuited. Flop is 6, 10, 9 Rainbow. Nathon has two pair. No help to Won. We see a 3 on the turn. Looks like Nathan is going to take the pot, when Ken catches an Ace on the river to get a set and take the hand. Now if I am recalling correctly Ken had a lower chip count so no one busts out. However Nathan on the ropes again and it takes a chunk out of Won.
I think pots move around the table again with Nathan again making a decent stand to keep himself in the game, if only just barely.
Somewhere in the middle of that. Clint and Won go at it in a hand. I believe most everyone got out early (I know I was) and these two are dueling it out. Now I think it was after the flop or turn. Won has first bet, but Clint forgets and throws out a big bet. Won looks at him and says that he hasn't done anything yet. Clint looks befuddled and says oh, I thought you checked.
Won says no. Clint withdrawals the bet. To which Won then states. "I Check." Clint throws his bet back out while reply with the comment:
"I knew you were going to check."
To which Won responds with "What are you psychic now?"
Clint replies with "Yes."
Which prompts me to chime in with the following statement:
"Won even some retards have special abilities. They call them savants."
I believe it was a good few minutes before anyone could continue. I also realize that at this game it is very hard to keep any kinda poker face since we do nothing but crack jokes and razz the shit out of each other all night.
Oh well, it is loads of fun to go anyway.
The games moves on with nothing major happening.
That is until River Dance strikes again!
Ken gets Won & Nathan in all in (we had just passed the 10pm mark by this time) Won has JKs, Ken Ah Kc, Nathan 9 10c. Flop is 2 clubs (3 & 7 I believe) and a heart. Qc on the Turn to give Nathan a Queen high flush. We are thinking Nathan has it until we realize Ken has 4 clubs and if he catches another on the river he will have a King high flush.
And...
...You got that right River Dance catches a 8c on the river to bust them both out. It amazes me how he gets this shit so often.
So Clint thinks Ken should do a dance every time he catches crap like this again. Personally I think Clint is a little to familiar with the material since he even demonstrated a dance. Hmmmm....
But I think Ken is going to permanently get the nickname of River Dance, since he does this dance with the river far, far too often.
I was doing alright having taken a small chunk out of Ken, and some chips off Clint, not to mention a chunk out of Nathan just before he went out to at least build up a respectable chip stack. That is until I pulled a Won. I let Clint take a big chunk out of me. Now unfortunately I don't recall the hand and I forgot to take any notes. But I put him all in with a set while some how I miss the fact that he had a flush or straight. This was a huge blow. I lost about 13k to him and was down to about 5 or 6.
Now I will regret to inform you that I didn't keep very good notes here. I was concentrating on staying alive and getting back into the game so I totally for got to take decent notes. That and I am a little new to the blogging thing. So yes, I am an idiot.
I do remember Clint, Ken and myself dueling it out for a long time. Pots moving around. Myself gaining some chips back to at least have some to make some noise. Finally I think Clint took a hit from Ken and then I busted him out shortly thereafter.
This left Ken and myself heads up for a long time. Blinds went back and forth so fast the two dedicated dealers couldn't keep up.
I was up, Ken was up, even at one point. I finally got back up a few chips more then him and got him all in with J3 suited, While I have A3 Suited. Flop was rainbow 8 9 3, then a 2, and a 6. No help to anyone other then the pair of 3s and I had the Ace kicker.
And there you have it. All over but the shouting. I took home the bacon. I do think it was some of my best poker since at one point in the night I thought I was going to be the first to bust out, not to mention after Clint's smackdown. I was seriously hurting. Yet I stayed calm and did my best to stay in it. I also realized now that I have been heads up 4 times and won three. The only blemish was against Clint who I had a chance to bust out twice with better hands only to have him suck it out both times.
But now this makes things interesting for next month. We now have a Hitman side pool. This is for any repeat winners. Everyone who wants to puts in $2 to play for the chance to win that pool if they knock out the last winner. In other words I am marked for a hit next month and they will be pooling for me. Remember we only to this for the player who has won twice in a row.
Still there is some debate on what happens should I win again. I think the money should roll over for the following month again. I believe that Won is giving it back. Personally if no one can knock out that person and he wins for a third straight time, it should be rolled over. If you can't beat him at all then you don't get it back.
Unless of course, someone who didn't buy in would knock me out. Then it should be returned. Why should you pay a penalty for not have the right cards at the right time.
*Yes, the man cannot escape even though he was not there. I should note that he was not there due to health reason, and we would all like to see him get better soon...
...so that we can take his money next month.
posted by z-man at 2:08 PM
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