Knuckle Babies, Ass Raping, and Texas Hold'em

Before you ask, no this hasn't become a blog about gay porn movie reviews and those are not titles to some gay porn flicks, you sick bastard!

But I will admit they are certainly not three phrases I ever expected to see in a sentence, let alone type them myself.

Scarier still is the fact that all of these are topics brought up at the monthly poker game.

Sometimes I wonder why I drag myself to these poker games. (Alright so it's not like anyone is twisting my arm or anything.) But the level of conversations and topics of discussion sometimes leave one to wonder at what really lies in darkest corners of a truly depraved human mind. Worse still the minds of a group of men, with out any women in the room, fueled by booze and gambling.

It truly is a sight to behold and not for the meek.

But these thing do come up, are mentioned and sometimes laughed at for several minutes while we all forget there is an actual card game being played.

You do remember we play poker at these events and that this is a blog about the aforementioned poker game?

Right?

Again we are at the lair of the Diabolical Mr. Kim. to his left, Frenchy, Myself, Fred, Clint, Nathan, Ken. We are missing a few of the usual suspects. But that is going to happen now and again. But we can always count the ghost of Andrew Higgins.

Or can we?

*insert Twilight Zone theme*

Now I started this blog with the full intention of getting out within a week of the game (my self imposed deadline for this thing), but due to my crazy traveling schedule and work load. I just couldn't get around to it.

So my recollection is a bit fuzzy but my notes will help and I will do the best that I can. If you can't handle that then to you I say: "Life sucks, get a fucking helmet!"

Onward to the poker. (If you were looking for the gay porn reviews. Dude that is gross and I can't help you.)

Starting of first hand of the night happened so fast I missed writing it down. However I do know that Frenchy won it.

That and he now has chip count.

I just felt like putting that in now, since I might never get the chance to for the rest of the blog.
Plus I don't get to say that very often.

Frenchy has chip count.

Ok, I put that in for good measure.

Then we get Ken, Frenchy, and Clint betting hard for a hand. Only to see a three way split of the pot since they all had the same straight.

So they all got their money back, and Frenchy has still has chip count.

I think, sorry I just don't get to say that very often.

Then I get bluffed from a hand by Fred. He didn't show so we will never know if he had it.

Then Nathan catches the biggest pot of the night so far. Getting an A-10 straight (he held the J,10) over Ken who bet hard with K6 thinking his two pair was good.

I then manage to take down Won, we both had paired up 2s but I had a Queen kicker over his ten.

Shortly thereafter Ken and Nathan go at it, decent betting preflop (we are still at pot limit), Turn shows us 10s, Kd, 7s. Betting gets even fiercer at this point. Turn is Jd. River is a Js. We get a call and Nathan turns over Kc 9c. Then Ken shows us Ad As. The both have a pair of jacks, but Ken frenchies Nathan's Kings.

Play moves around a bit nothing major happening, though I did manage to push Nathan out of a hand. Then we get the hand which coins one of our catch phrases for the night.

We get four in on a hand. Betting is good, Flop shows 6c, Js, Kh. Betting get mean. Turn is a Ac. Nathan and Fred bail at this point leaving Frenchy and Clint. Rivers shows us Jh. Clint bets, Frenchy calls and we see? Clint has a pair of jacks giving him four of a kind. Frenchy had two pair kings and jacks. To which Frenchy makes the comment. I'm hate getting ass raped.

Like any straight guy really does like it.

See I told you this shit comes up.

Play moves along rather slowly, nothing major happening but Nathan taking a pot of myself and Clint. They both had the flush. With Nathan holding a higher kicker. I had a lowly pair of Aces.

However during the hand Clint broke rule number #2.

Remember you are the dealer.

I swear we do this every month you would think that it wouldn't be that hard by now.

We get a big pot with Clint, Won and Frenchy. Won is all in with 3h, Kh, Kd showing. After the flop Frenchy goes all in with Clint calling. Turn is 6s with the river a 3d. Frenchy shows Kc, Jd giving him kings over threes. Clint showed us As 3c for threes over kings. This keeps Frenchy alive but splits the pot with Won since he had Ks 9c for the same boat. Clint however has taken a big hit from this hand. Which pits him against Won a short while later when Won gets a heart flush over a pair of aces from Clint.

To which we say goodbye to Clint for the night.

Won gets on a roll as shortly thereafter he busts out Ken. The board shows us Qs, 3h, Ad, 7s, As. Ken shows us Qc 10s. But Won has Ah, Qh for aces over queens.

I believe Won had chip count at this point (Come on you honestly didn't think Frenchy still had it did you?) and boasting that his brilliant strategy of playing retarded was working again.

Some how the words brilliant and retarded being in the same sentence just don't seem right, do they?

Didn't think so.

Fred puts that to the test and pushes Won out of a pot.

I'm thinking someone spoke too soon.

Then Frenchy buys a pot.

Yes I said Frenchy bought a pot. In case you really didn't believe it the first time.

I'm a slow bleed at this point, but not as bad as Nathan who does manage to take a pot from Won with a pair tens over a crap that Won had. 2c 3s.

Getting a little desperate with the blinds rising and sitting on the big blind, I gamble. Watching Fred fold, Nathan and Won call, Frenchy on the small blind calls, I go all in. Nathan things about it, then folds. Won does to for a bit and folds. Frenchy?

Right you really had to ask, of course he folds.

I take down the pot.

What did I have? Well as you know if I buy a pot I usually never show it. I like to keep them guessing.

This time I do show it. Why?

Because I pushed them out while I had 7 2 unsuited. Which is the worst starting hand in Hold' em.

THE FUCKING HAMMER!!!

All three of them were kicking themselves on that one.

Then Frenchy doubles up over Nathan with two pair with Nathan only having ace high.

Now don't get all excited, he was just hanging in there. So its not like he has chip count of anything.

I think if I were to type that more then three times in one blog it would be a sure sign the world is coming to an end.

Nathan then bails himself out going all in and doubling up against Fred catching a queen on the flop for a pair over Fred's pocket sixes.

I turn around a buy yet another pot after this. And no I'm not telling you this time what I had. I'll leave you to wonder.

We get Nathan all in again with Fred and Won calling. The board shows 6s Kc As Js 9h. Won has Ad, 10d to Fred's Kd 9c. Nathan mucks without showing but that ends his night and Fred get a large chunk of chips back.

Which has Won on a bleed. Someone mentions his retarded strategy to which Won replies that it is failing now since he didn't go making any knuckle babies watching Internet porn during the game as he did last month.

You see I don't make this shit up all by myself.

I lose a pot to Fred and Won puts Frenchy on the ropes over the next few hands.

Won bust out Frenchy and takes some chips from myself in the same hand a bit after that.

I turn around and buy yet another pot on the night.

Just in case you wanted to ask, the answer is no.

Then I get retarded, knuckle baby making Won all in. He shows Ks, 10h. I have Ad, 9h.

Flop is 5d, Ac, 9d.

Turn is 5h,

River Jc.

And that knocks out Won as I had a slightly larger chip count.

This leaves just Fred and myself to duel it out for a bit, trading chips back and forth for a while. We are pretty even when I get him all in.

He shows Kd, 6s while I have Ad, 8d.

Flop is Js Ah Kh.

Turn is 3c.

I still have the higher pair with the river not helping either of us since it is a Jd.

A quick count shows I have a slight edge in chips thus ending the night and giving me another win.

I'm on a roll right now and I have a trip to Vegas coming up soon.

Maybe I'll write about it. Maybe not. What happens in Vegas...Well you know the rest.