Poker Trek: Retard of Borg

Now I think we all know how Won likes to play like a retard. Apparently it is his super strategy to out smart us all by out dumbing us. At least that is how I think it is supposed to work.

Now other then one monumental occasion of it actually working.

It hasn't been to successful.

So with the thought that since the strategy hasn't been living up to its potential...

(Granted, how does one judge exactly the potential a retard can achieve?)

...assuming that since the goal was to outplay us by playing dumber. And since that goal wasn't being reached. Won has now decided to get us to buy into the whole philosophy and assimilate us into his retarded collective. So then either he gets us all playing as retarded as possible and starts to play smarter himself.

Or he will simply be the smartest retard at the table.

But then isn't that an oxymoron?

Now, you are probably asking yourself, how do I know all this?

Well it seems at this month's session he put his diabolical scheme into motion.
But you will just have to read on to find out how.

Once again we find ourselves back at Mr. Kim's lair of evil. If you didn't already know I am back to defend my spot as the current champ after successfully returning to form at the last game.

This after having let the Frenchman win it.

Really all you should have to do is show up to beat the french.

Then again they might surprise you now and again with a head butt.

Or something crazy like that.

Can one every really understand the French?

Now we have are usual crowd. No new faces, but some that might have been MIA for a few months.

From Won's left Myself, Fred, Clint, Frenchy, John, Nathan, and Ken. No new faces this month. Just the same old ones we usually have.

POKER!

Now we got some big hands early. With blinds starting at $5 - $10 this is rare, but now and again it does happen.

One early hand Won takes a large pot over Frenchy. They both had trip fives, but Won had an ace kicker over Frenchy's king.

So he got Frenchied.

Ever wonder where that term comes from?

Should be clear by now.

That and I think Frenchy might have tilted way too early in the night.

Then I get a hand I will never forget.

I limp in with my betting, getting a few to bite. We see the flop: 2d, Ah, 6h. No large betting.

Turn is Ac.

Nathan is the only one in and he bets rather large. I call.

River 2h.

Nathan bets the pot and I raise him what is in the pot.

He calls and shows 2, 5 unsuited. Twos over aces for a full boat.

I turn over pocket aces to show four of a kind to take him down.

Four aces! That is not something you see every day, and damn cool.

Along with the fact that this is now the fourth time I've collect four of a kind.

Shitty part is I always seem to get it early.

Oh well.

I then take a hit not too long after when I have Ac 8s. Table shows 4c Ah 5d 2s 9s.

I was betting on the pair of aces, but Ken pushed after the turn. I put him on the straight, but wasn't sure if he was bluffing or not. Sure enough he had Ad 3s. for the low straight.

Fred then pulls down another decent sized early pot with trip jacks over and Won.

Now we get a big pot. Nathan and Frenchy betting fierce. My money is on Nathan.

Why?

Um, Frenchy is...well...French?

Table shows Jh, 10c, Jc, Kh, Kd.

What happens? Well Frenchy has Jd, 3h for jacks over kings.

Nathan has Ks, 8h for kings over jacks.

Frenchy got his boat overturned. Never bet on the French navy either.

Then miracle of miracles.

Ok, maybe not as impressive as Won calling an all in with the hammer. Not to mention winning that hand against a pair of pocket aces.

But after not winning a hand all last month. Clint finally wins a pot.

Though I think we all folded to his preflop raise and he only took around a $100.

None the less the streak was over.

John then pushes out Nathan after the river on a good pot. Nathan folded, but John did show his pocket aces which completed a set.

Shortly afterward I take a large pot off of Fred when I when I bet the pot after the river. I had Qd, Jd. Finally caught the king high straight after the turn. I think I chased three hands like this where I had four of the cards after the flop only not to get anything to help. Most were open ended too where I could have used the card on either end to complete it. Fred mucked out so we don't know what he had.

Clint then takes a pot from Won. We had four diamonds show up, two on the flop and then on the turn and river. I have no idea what Won had since he mucked after a strong bet from Clint, who threw his cards too fast for me to catch but he did say he had the flush.

Then the Borg showed up.

Now we had passed the no-limit portion of the night.

If you haven't been following along we play pot-limit until 10pm then open it up. Two reasons. So no one busts out on the first hand and to then actually finish at a reasonable hour.

Now I get Ks Js. On this hand. I briefly thought about a all in bet. But decided to slow play it and see what happens.

I'm not sure who all stayed in preflop. But I do know besides myself that Frenchy, Won, and Ken were still there.

I don't think anyone pushed hard before the flop, but there might have been a raise. I think big blind might have been $500.

Flop is 7s, 5c, As.

Whoa, I am a card short of an ace high flush. Betting is meek around the table. I simply call. The other three I mention are now the only other ones in.

Turn is Ad.

Damn! I miss the flush and that second ace is throwing me. I'm thinking one of them has an ace. Trips are not good and I'm still a card short for the flush.
Frenchy then goes all in. He had been low on chips for a while. Ken calls as does Won.

I bail I'm not liking that ace and I haven't much luck with chasing stuff on the river all night.

So why did I tell you my cards?

You'll see.

Frenchy show Ac Kc. See there is that set.

Won has Ah, Jc. And there is the other. I would have been behind both.

Then Ken shows us 10s, 4d.

Confused?

Yeah so were we.

"Ken you called an all in with ten/four?"

Ken looks down at his cards and says: "Fuck I thought I had an ace!"

In a total Won move he called when he didn't know what he had. The violates rule #1. Talk about being on the tilt. He won't have much left since it took a lot of his stack to call this. Won too.

Won then asked him if he was now trying to play like a retard in hopes of winning. Then somewhere in that conversation Won welcomes him to the fold. Saying that he now has one of us converted.

See and you thought I was crazy with my Borg talk.

So right now Frenchy has it with his king kicker.

The River?

8s.

Fuckitey, fuck, fuck, fuck!

There was that damn spade I was looking for. Plus I had a respectable chip stack that I could have easily called it. And remember I was considering a strong opening move to begin with it king/jack is a good starting hand.

BALLS!

So Frenchy takes it and triples up since the eight didn't help Won and it sure as hell didn't help Ken.

Frenchy stays alive and helps out his cause and Won assimilates one in to the retard collective. I don't know how adaptable retards are to new offensive attacks like the Borg are. But this could get interesting if he assimilates any more and playing smart has no effect on them.

I then lose a pot to Frenchy. I think I wrote down the cards wrong so it doesn't make sense and so I won't put it in here. But I do know I lost the hand. Wasn't a major pot.

Then Fred goes all in all in after the river against John. Showing on the table is 5s, 10s. 6c, Qd, 2s. John mucks and Fred doesn't show us his cards.

Nathan shortly after buys a decent pot on and all in push. I missed who he pushed out.

At this point I noted that the Borg, read Won & Ken were barely hanging on and the blinds were getting big enough that their time was very short if they didn't make a move to get something.

I mention this since right after I wrote it they both proceed to go all in preflop.

Clint and Nathan both call them. This means there will be a side pot since they both have more then enough to cover.

Flop is 7c, 7h, 5h. I don't remember the post flop betting but I think they both checked.

Turn is a Jd. At which point Clint bets and Nathan folds.

They turn over their cards. Ken has As, 3s. Won Ah, 5d. Clint Ad, 7d.

Ouch that gives Clint a set and the Borg collective is drawing dead. Since the river is a Qd, not that there was a card that could really help them.

Just like the Enterpise Clint fends of another Borg attack and we say goodbye to Won and Ken.

Nathan then buys another pot from Frenchy.

Really, you expected anything else?

Shortly after that I go all in and Frenchy calls. I was really trying to buy the blinds. The last time I did this he had pocket aces two months ago. This time it is Js, 10s.

Shit, I have Jh, 8h.

Flop is 3h, 3d, 4h.

Uh oh, I now have four hearts.

Turn is a Qh.

Wow, river is a 2d, and I get lucky as shit to double up over Frenchy. That wasn't a call I was looking for but I sucked it out.

Now bolstered but my luck and large chip stack, Fred, who is short stacked, goes all in. It isn't costing me much so I call.

I have Kc, 5c. Fred has Kc, 2c.

Oh damn, not only does Fred have the highest kicker, but he has the same suit that I do. A flush won't help me and I need to catch some jacks to bust him out.

We see Ad, 4s, 10s, As, 2h.

Nope, Fred takes it and doubles up to help him stay alive.

Followed quickly afterward by an all in bet from Frenchy that is raised by John with an all in and Clint calls both of them.

Frenchy shows Ad, 2d. Clint has Kc, Js. John Qh, 10d.

I only got the first four cards on the table. Ks, Qs, 8d, As. I'm not sure if the river was a ten or not but Clint did take the hand and bust out both John and Frenchy.

One thing to know that all four busts have been taken by Clint so far. With him taking a two out both times.

But I am still here.

After play moves around a bit Nathan goes all in against Fred who calls.

Nathan has As, Ad with Fred having Ks, 9h.

Table shows 4s, Js, 3c, Qh, Ac.

Nathan takes it with his set and bust out Fred.

Then very quickly after that Nathan takes a large pot over Clint. Not to mention I hung around until after the turn so he took money from me too. Cards got swept before I could record it, but this did give Nathan a huge chip advantage. I would put him on at least 60% of the chips. Clint still having a respectable stack, but I had been on a slow bleed since I gave those chips to Fred. I had been getting shit cards and with the blinds in the thousands, my 6 - 8k at this time isn't going to last much longer with only three of us.

I lose a few more blinds when, on the button I think, I get pocket aces. For the third time that night. So do I go all in preflop?

Nope I slow play them. Until after the river when I go all in. Now on the board we see 5c, 6s, 8h, 3h, 2c. Both Clint and Nathan call.

I show my pocket aces and they both muck their cards.

Whew! I triple up to stay alive a bit longer.

Blinds go around a bit here with nothing major happening until I think Clint went all in, both Nathan and I call.

Clint has Kh, 3h. Nathan Ac, 10h. With me holding Kd, Js.

I have the kicker over Clint but not Nathan.

Flop is 2d, Jc, 10c.

Hot Damn! I catch a pair. All I have to do is hold on.

Turn is a 5d.

Followed by the river which is 9c.

Again I triple up and now I have the advantage over Nathan while Clint is gone. This is huge considering the stack that Nathan had not to long ago.

Nathan and I push stacks around again for a while. We get to the 3 - 6k blinds.

I get pocket kings while on the big blind. Nathan goes all in. Of course I call it.

He shows pocket sixes.

I missed getting the table cards down, but no help came to either of us. So my kings hold up and I take down Nathan.

Did I mention that I am the only one left?

Yup, that is right I have manage to repeat. Considering I was almost out of it and incredible short stacked near the end it is a good win.

Luck had something to do with it. Because as we know luck can go either way. To better understand that I leave you with the quote of the night until next month.

"Lady luck sent me to the Blue Oyster Bar."

Your pocket aces are no good here.

Now I've been playing at the monthly poker game for over two years now. I've also done some dabbling in Vegas.

Shhhh, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Now I've seen some incredible things.

Like a royal flush dealt onto the table.

The number of times Ken has river danced to win a hand.

Frenchy winning last month.

(That one is still doesn't seem real.)

Andrew Higgins sitting at...nevermind.

Some really mind boggling things.

But nothing...and I mean nothing like what I witnessed this last session.

You really want to know don't you?

Well you are going to have to wait until I get to that part.

What have I told you about patience?

Better get some or your own damn blog.

So we have some new faces this time around. Some old friends and co-workers from our sequoia days were in town and decided to attend and have some fun. Unfortunately they no long live in the area, so they won't be regulars. Still it was fun to have them and new faces are always welcome.

Even Andrew.

And he isn't even a new face.

I think.

So being that Won does have any family obligations preventing him from hosting (honestly the man has to get his priorities straight), we are back at the lair of evil. From Won's left Frenchy, Fred (making his triumphant return), Clint, Jeff, Dirk (our two new, yet temporary faces), Myself, and Ken.

Without further ado I give you the poker.

Now as you know I busted out first last month which was the first time in a long time I was out first. But it also really stained my streak of doing well. Placing first or second for almost a year. With just one fifth place finish in the middle.

Well?

I'll let you know how I did in a minute. Though it doesn't start off good.

I let Ken take a large pot on the first hand of the night, but I don't feel bad. Won and Frenchy were in it too.

This means Ken has chip count.

It also means our returning champ doesn't.

Won then follows up shortly thereafter on a rather big pot taking Jeff and Dirk for some chips.
Frenchy then gets ass raped. (Hey those are his words not mine.) When Dirk has an ace - ten straight over his three of a kind.

Won then goes on a tear, taking a pot from Ken with a flush, Ken mucked.

Clint then folds to another Won flush.

Then Won takes Ken again with two pair queens and eights. Over Ken's two pair of tens and eights.

I get the feeling that I could have titled this post Revenge of the Retard. That is the kind of run he is on and we all know Won's 'play like a retard' strategy.

Play is rather average for the middle of the night. Most of us have the bulk of our chips still or has won it back. Clint has been on a slow bleed all night. Dirk has been up and down. But has some decent chips at this point.

Ken the buys out a large pot as we reach the no limit mark.

Then Fred hits Dirk hard going all in. Dirk calls and we see Kd Js from Fred and Ad 10s from Dirk.

Flop is 6d, jd, 4s.

Fred catches a pair of jacks and with the turn a 7h and river Qc. Fred takes a big chunk out of Dirk.

However very shortly after that Dirk goes all in against Jeff. Dirk shows 6s, 7s. Jeff called with Kh, Qd.

The flop: 4h, Jh, Jd.

They both have jacks with Jeff having the highest kicker.

Turn is Js. Making in a set of jacks for both.

The river?

6c.

Yup Dirk catches the six for a full house and takes a large bite out of Jeff. It also keeps him alive and back in the game with a decent chip stack.

Fred then bullies Dirk out of a pot taking a large bite out of his chips. Dirk also starts bleeding that stack out quite a bit losing several hands.

Jeff then goes all in with Fred and Ken calling. Jeff has pocket kings and with slop on the board Ken and Fred muck their cards after Jeff shows his.

I then double up against Fred with a pair of kings to Fred's pair of fives.

Dirk shortly thereafter bust Fred out for the night and regaining some of his chips back.

Then comes the hand of the century. Seriously the straight flush that was dealt to the table is nothing compared to the monumental act of retardedness I am about to witness.

Pre-flop Dirk goes all in he has about 8 or 9 grand in chips. The rest of us fold until we get to Won.

Who looks at his cards.

Asks what the bet is.

Thinks about it.

States he feels good about it.

And calls.

Now he still has a large stack from the run he went on early and he has taken a few more decent hands along the way. Still this is going to take a deep chunk out of him if he loses.

Everyone left folds.

They turn up the cards and we see:

Dirk has pocket aces.

Won has 7 2 unsuited.

Now for those of you who don't know this is the worst starting hand there is in Texas hold' em. They are too far apart to help form a straight. And being unsuited greatly reduces your chances of a flush.

Against the best starting hand of pocket aces.

And worse it wasn't like Won bet first, he has done it before, as have others including myself. Going all in to buy the blinds. If you get called it is the chance you take on a bluff like that.

But to call an all in with it. Well either your name is Ken and you can river dance like no one else.
Or you are the biggest retard on the face of the planet.

And we all know how Won likes to play.

So the table is going crazy thinking Won is about to eat crow and Dirk is going to double up.

Then we get the flop.

2h, 7h, 4s.

Did you catch that?

Won has two pair and now holds the advantage.

Dirk needs an ace to stay alive.

I told you I've never seen anything like this before.

Turn is a 9h.

One card left for Dirk to stay alive.

River is a 5d.

And that folks is all she wrote. Won bust out Dirk and takes home the pot. With the hammer over a pair of pocket aces.

I still can't believe it. That he called with that hand. Anyone else at the table would have made the same play as Dirk. But to get called with the hammer and lose really has to hurt.

To quote: "I've seen shit that would turn you white."

I honestly think I can now safely say that I have seen it all.

But I make Won pay for that a bit later then I go all in after the turn having caught and inside straight. Busting him out for the night.

I then bust out Frenchy with a pair of jacks over his queen high.

Quickly thereafter I take out Clint, who has been on an incredible slow bleed all night. I'm not even sure he won a hand the entire night.

Then I finish off Jeff who was still just hanging on.

This leaves myself and Ken to duke it out. I have a large chip advantage over him.

We push back and forth for a while. When he finally goes all in. I call with Kc 2c.

Ken shows Qh, 3c.

Flop is 6s, As, 4c.

No help, my king kicker still hanging on.

Turn is a 4d.

Followed by the river of Ad.

We both have two pair but my king takes it over his queen.

That would be a frenchy.

That is all she wrote. I have regained my title and also busted out last months winner to take the side pot.

With that I will leave you with the quote of the night.

"There is no such thing as a good frenchy."