Poker Trek II: The Wrath of Kim

Moral: Don't leave some poor retarded schmuck for dead. It may come back to bite you in the ass.

A little confused?

Don't worry, soon all will make sense.

If it doesn't, well then, you have some serious issues my friend and a lot of costly therapy sessions ahead.

Well here we are again, that time of the month. Time for another session of poker. Now after a rather impressive streak of 3 wins and 2 second place finishes in 5 months. I had a rather disappointing 5th place finish last month. Well, sometimes lady luck is a bitch, and there ain't shit you can do about it. She is a woman after all.

The Diabolical Mr. Kim provided the facilities, though I am still somewhat shocked and surprised that he still wants to subject himself to our dumb asses. But hey, that his prerogative and, as you will soon come to see, he ain't much better himself.

We have a slightly different lineup this week. From Won's left, we have myself. Jeff, first timer and Craig's brother (but we won't hold that against him), Craig, Fred, Frenchy, Clint, John, Nathan, and Ken.

You will note that we have 10 people. This means that according to the house rules. The top three finishers will collect part of the pot. The is contrary to other opinions that a 3rd place payout will occur at 9 players. This has resulted in much controversy, the absences of other players, and the lost of twenty dollars. Wars have been started over less.

Those events will go down in the annals of history as Pokergate.

Now before I begin. I did take notes, but I would like to point out that I didn't take as good of notes as I should have. There was simply too much table talking, beer, insults, jokes, off the cuff remarks, bodily organs, and Internet porn to be able to pay attention to it all.

I'm not joking and don't ask me to explain it, you really don't want to know.

Oh and if you are a serious poker player...don't ever come to this game.

If you do, don't say I didn't warn you.

But I will do my best and I do have a lot of notations regardless. So without an further ado, on to the Poker!

Now as I mentioned I'm trying to make a better showing of myself this month since I didn't play so well last month. Well it started out rather auspicious when getting dealt a pair of pocket kings. I bet slow early. Followed by the betting the pot after the flop which helped know one. Only Clint stayed in. After the turn, nothing strong, but there was a potential for an inside straight. I missed writing the cards down on this. However it is early so there isn't a massive amount of money on the line. River comes and again I bet, Clint calls. We get? The bastard got the straight, on the river!

Yup, my Kings had it up until then. Balls!

I think we will be seeing more of this theme.

Play moves around slowly from there. Nothing big happening other then I lose another chunk of chips to Frenchy when all I have is a pair of 3s to his 5s.

Nope not starting out rather well.

Then I finally get something. I'm in with flush draw showing on the table. Betting hard and I am getting Fred to follow. I pushed after the flop, turn, and he was right along with me, in fact I think he might have re-raised me after the turn and I raised again over top of him.

Right up to a pot limit bet after the river.

And?

Fred folded at that point. I bluffed him out.

Now I know you are going to ask, did I have it?

I'm sorry, I don't remember. You'll just have to wonder won't you.

Slow play for a bit, with the blinds making at least one bump when we get the hand that puts the whole night into perspective.

Won and Craig are battling hard post flop. I do believe everyone else has walked away at this point. After the turn more betting from the both of them. Sitting on the table is 6s, Kd, 3s, 6h. It could be anything at this point. The river comes 8h. Won bets the pot and Craig calls. Quickly Craig shows a pair of Kings for a set.

Won triumphantly flips his cards and announces to us that he has the straight.

But He is only showing 7c 4c.

"Um...Won you are missing the 5."

He broke rule #1. Know what you have. He was betting like a mad fool and he didn't even had what he thought he had.

Honestly, he is a great guy and we have high hopes for him one day. We just are not sure if he ever will amount to anything.

Then we get another dance with the river.

Any ideas who was involved? That is right, Ken is against someone betting is solid. Ken keeps calling. After the river we get a call and Ken shows us a heart flush.

Which he did not have until the Ace of hearts appeared on the river.

Seriously the hands he chases are down right scary sometimes, but damn if he doesn't get it.

Just a bit after that hand we get Craig and Fred going at it. On the board we have 2s, 5s, 4c, 8h. As I imagining someone has the flush and the betting is fierce only to see Craig take Fred down with a set of 8s over Fred's set of 4s.

I think Craig is making up for his recent Vegas trip. Did I fail to mention he went to Vegas?

He did and got back earlier in the week. What happened?

Well, as you know, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

But he did come back with a lighter wallet. Oh yeah, and he got FRENCHIED!!!!

Pair of Aces over his pair of Kings!

That had to hurt even more considering he was in Vegas.

Then the Diabolical Mr. Kim makes another power move. I have As 9s, Flop is 9h, 7h, 5h. I check Won follows. Not sure if the flush has been made we get the Ad on the turn. I have top pair, but the threat of a flush is still and issue so I bet cautiously. Won just calls. River is a 2c. I bet strong he calls. Thinking he has the flush I show my top pair.

Won again triumphantly show his cards and proclaims he has aces and kings. We see Ks, Ah.

*insert chirping crickets*

"Won you only have a pair of aces and no flush."

Now he claims to have not said it, but he did say aces and kings, not aces with a king KICKER. He can complain all he wants but that is what he said.

And I still think he broke rule #1 twice in one night.

Now things are going to be a little fuzzy. Won's retarded play was throwing everyone off. No it wasn't the playing was confusing us. It was that we were laughing too hard at the poor bastard to pay attention.

Not to mention cracking numerous retard jokes at him too.

Moving on we get some standard play, Fred taking a pot of Craig and Nathan in the same hand to gather some chips back.

Then shortly there after Fred hits a nut Flush and takes down the biggest pot of the night so far. As I mentioned I missed the details here a bit.

At this point Fred and Craig have the largest chip stacks. Won and Nathan are on the ropes, Ken, JJ, Clint, Jeff, and Myself are all about average. Nothing to write home about.

I manage to buy another large pot bluffing someone out. Clint claims I was buying, but then I guess we never will know, will we?

Then John and Frenchy go at it. We have 2c, 7s, 3h, Kd, 7h on the table. I can't remember if it was an all in move or not and that John called. But John had K, 6 while Frenchy showed us A 7 for a set of 7s. All I remember it was a large pot he had just taken.

Play moves around with Jeff and Ken losing some chips to me with my two pair over whatever they had. Ken and Craig betting big against each other but just end up splitting the pot. Then Nathan goes all in preflop to stay alive. Clint calls him and we see Jc, Ac, from him, with Nathan showing Ah Jh.

Flop is 2c, 4s, Qh. No help, turn is 8c. Clint is on the flush draw now and the river is 10c. Which gives him the flush and knocks Nathan out.

Clint follows that up rather quickly with a bust out of Ken with a pair of 5s over Ken's King, Ten. Now mind you even thought Clint has busted both of them out, they were so low on chips that Clint's stack, while better then what it was, isn't substantially larger. I think Fred, Frenchy, Craig are the top stacks at this point in the night.

Then Jeff gets busted out by Craig with a set of fives over Jeff's high pair. Nothing like bringing you brother to a poker game for the first time and then busting him out.

Yes I know the details are lacking here, but with Won watching Internet porn and the retard jokes still flying it was a little difficult to concentrate. Not to mention I was forced to take over the timer duties, since Won's timer crapped out on us.

Gee I'm doing all the blogging since he is to lazy, now I have to keep the time for the blind raising.

What, am I going to start having to host next?

Now I get into a large hand with John. There is a pair of 9s and a pair of 7s on the board after the river with myself sitting on K 9. I play a bet large enough to force him all in to call me. Which he does. He promptly shows a face card and a 7 for a boat. Sevens over nines. I apologize as I bust him out telling him that while that was a good hand, it does not beat my nines over sevens.

Clint then takes a nice pot off of Craig to keep going with a set of 8s over Craig's pair of 8's Ace kicker.

Then the astounding happens. No it isn't Won suddenly remember how to play poker, but Frenchy goes on a tear. First doubling up over Fred with two pair. Followed by a buying a few pots or taking a few decent pot off of others. Then he takes a huge bit out of me. I missed the cards but he doubled up off me, and left me on the ropes.

At this point he is close to having chip count if he doesn't have it outright.

Ah, but you should all remember Napoleon had success for a while to and that didn't work out very well in the end either if you recall.

Then in an even stranger turn of events Won starts playing.

No, really I'm serious he did.

Taking Chips from Clint, Craig and Fred. This gives him a nice chip count considering how short stacked he was at one point. We all comment on how he is making a comeback. To which he states. "I going to play like a retard all the time now!"

Clint responds with "When are you not?"

At this point things are not looking good for the home team. I have barely enough to cover the big blind as it comes around. I finally get a good hand and go all in. I get Craig and Won to bite. And low and behold I triple up. Again I missed this hand since I was thinking it was my last hurrah and the end of the night for me.

However it was not and I had enough chips to try and make a decent stand.

Followed by Won busting out Frenchy who had suddenly been on a fast bleed. Since he lost some more chips to me, Craig, with Won then finishing him off.

Then someone busts out Fred, I missed who and when. But I do know that Craig busts out Clint in here too because I remembering him winning the side pot of who could bust Clint out. Since he was the winner last month.

All I can remember is at this point Craig and Won have chip count over me and just the three of us are left.

I then get another great hand I go all in preflop with As, Qd. I get both Craig and Won in on the action.

I see a pair of 9s from Craig and Jc 3c from Won.

Flop is Qs, 5h, 10s. I've got top pair. Turn is Kc. Still no help, with 7h on the river.

WOOT! I have tripled up for the second time this night. I now have a decent stack of chips. Not bad considering I thought I was out of it not to long before.

After a bit of playing back and forth between the three of us. Exchanging chips pretty equally, thought Craig had lost a bit more. Mostly to Won. (I still want to know when he started playing.)

I get Craig all in.

I have As, 4s. He bites and shows...

...Ac, 9s.

Dammit! Almost every single time when I get an Ace something against him he has Ace something better.

I have chip count over him at this point, but only by a bit. So it is looking like he could be doubling up and myself on the ropes.

Flop is Ks, 10d, 3h. Rainbow flop, no help his 9 is still kicking my ass.

Turn is 5c. Still nothing and the only thing that can save me is a 4.

The river?

4d!

BOYAH!

On the river I almost double up and take Craig out for once!

Now I am really alive, though Won has the chip count. I don't quite think it is a 2 - 1 advantage. More like 1.5 - 1.

That's right it is just me and the Diabolical Mr. Kim for all the marbles. I'm still scratching my head over how he managed to make it this far considering the events earlier in the night, but still here he is.

Back and forth for a bunch of hands we go. Giving and taking fairly evenly. Though I might be giving up a bit cause my cards are suddenly cold as all hell. I don't even have anything marginal to try and push with and maybe take a blind or two.

Then I get Jc 9h. I'm in for the big which is at 6k. Won calls.

The flop is Js, 5s, 5h. Two pair.

I check, Won checks.

Turn is 7d. I bet 3k, Won only calls. I'm thinking he doesn't have something strong here. So after the turn of an 8s, I gamble and go all in.

Now here is the interesting part. He really thinks about it. Almost folds the hand, but decides that since he has chip count (I'd guess that if he lost he would have about 15 - 20k left. Don't forget there is a total of 100k in chips on the table.) he can make a comeback if he is wrong.

So he calls. I show my cards and he flips over...

...Jh, 10c!

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Look carefully, we both have Js and 5s. Poker is the best 5 cards so the 5th for me is the 9 I have...

...Getting it now. Won has the 10.

I GOT FRENCHIED!!!

KHHHAAAANNNNNNN!!!!

There you have it, after He played like a moron for most of the night. He frenchied me after I made a strong comeback from some bad luck to finish in second place. Giving Won the prize for the first time in a long time.

Damn you Mr. Kim, Damn you all to hell!

So there is all there is and there ain't any more.

With that I leave you until next month with the quote of the night.

"Just bet into them, they will all start folding like cheap lawn chairs."

Canada Wins Gold!

As you probably can tell the 2006 Winter Olympics were still going when the monthly poker game came around this month. Yes I am sure Canada won a few gold medals. In fact they won the gold medal for curling. Now how a game where you sweep a broom in front of a rock sliding on an oversized frozen shuffleboard is considered an 'Athletic' sport and worthy of the ancient Greeks is beyond me.

And if it is, then why the hell not poker?

It's just one of those great mysteries in life. Kind of like how does Pringles get all their potatoes chips the exact same size and shape? Just what kind of mutant potatoes are they feeding us?

That, I think, falls into the X-files category.

Ok I'm digressing and this is a post about poker. You know that game played in smokey casinos with fat bald guys and little paper cards. You know the one that is all the rage on ESPN, "The Sports Network", and yet it is not an Olympic sport.

Did I mention that curling is?

I'm off track again aren't I?

Once again the monthly game is being hosted by the Diabolical Mr. Kim. to his left around the table is Clint, John, Myself, Fred, Craig, River Dance, and Napoleon (Frenchy).

Missing is George from last month. I'm thinking we intimidated him too much with our betting style. I guess we checked into him way too often.

I know when someone checks to me I want to fold too. I just makes me think of some crazy Russian mafia guy who is going to break my legs and leave me for dead in an alley if I take all his money.

Now I open with my best hand of the night. I'm deal pocket 4s I bet lightly and get some action. The flop?

4, 4, something, yep that is right I completely did not pay attention to any of the cards that came after. Why should I, did they even matter?

I get Won to bite, bet the pot a few times before revealing the 4s at the end.

Yep I was glad to get that out of the way. Best hand I was going to see all night and it was dealt in the first two hands.

To follow that nifty piece of action Frenchy, bullys everyone out of a had with a whopping bet of $40. We all ran like scared school girls.

There is also a reason I mention this.

But we will get to that later.

However I can't stop mentioning the Frenchman. Why? Cause something rather amazing happens early.

Fred and Frenchy are into a hand deep. Both staying in with decent betting. Sitting in the middle we have 6c, 10c, 8s, 4h, Qh.

They both call and flip, Fred shows 10's and 5's. But Frenchy has 10's and 6's.

Have you been following along on your score sheet at home?

Because if you had been you probably would have noticed that Frenchy has never actually Frenchied anyone before. It had always happens to him.

I mean where the hell do you thing the term Frenchied came from?

But not today my friend, the Frenchman exacted his revenge and finally put the screws to someone else.

Personally I think we should pitch in and get a little bronze statue to mark this momentous occasion.

Ok, so I'm going over board there, but hey its my blog.

Besides a few hands later Ken frenchied him right back. Oh, come on, you knew it had to happen at least once during the night.

It was named after him after all.

Play moves slow for a while the only major thing is Clint taking a large pot off Ken with a set of 6s to Ken's two pair. Which he then follows up with another large pot off of John.

Oh, and then Frenchy buys another pot.

Action moves along until shortly after 10 when Fred goes all in against John and Craig, Craig takes Fred out and a large bite out of John with a full boat, Aces over Kings. Not something you see very often. But as I have mentioned before the man doesn't bluff.

We say goodbye to Fred early.

We then get another sage piece of poker advice. I can't recall who said it and when, it might have been Clint, but someone was debating what to do with their hand when the comment; "Let me see what you have and I will tell you what to do." is mentioned.

Mind you Clint (or whoever it was), was still in the hand and had raised the bet. This goes right along with 'if you are going call I'll fold'.

I can only imagine what real poker players might think of us should they sit down at our table.

Then again I might not want to know.

Moving along Frenchy is getting bold when he buys yet another pot.

It would be so strange if he didn't do in again with in a hand or two.

At this point he has pulled down five pots by buying them. Either he is getting hard to read or we are just chicken shits to call anyone anymore.

I vote for the latter.

But it is all rendered meaningless when Won catches Frenchy in his own personal Waterloo and hands Him is ass. Not cleaning Him out mind you, but taking a very large portion of His chips.

Then He has the final axe fall when He goes all in against Ken who gets a pair of Queens and poor Frenchy has nothing but King high.

Ah the French succumb the German blitzkrieg. We should expect this by now shouldn't we?

Then the diabolical Mr. Kim bets hard and furious at us one hand. I think it might even have been after the flop, but so shocked was I that I failed to write it down.

Was I was shocked that he bet? Hell no, we all bailed and before I could take notes he showed us is cards.

7-2 unsuited.

THE HAMMER!!! He bluffed us all out with the hammer.

That was why I failed to note it, I was too pissed to remember. I think I might even had something decent but the bet and the cards on the table had me thinking he had something.

Fool me once shame on me...

KIIIIMMMMMMM!!!!!!

I shall have my revenge.

Now we get the hand of the night, Ken and Clint go at it all in. We get 5h, 2d, 4, Jd, 6s, with Ken showing As, 10s. and Clint...

...Well Clint had pocket Aces.

This puts a big dent in to Ken and gives Clint the current chip lead.

Then came the second best hand I saw all night. I get Ac Qs. I go all in preflop and I get Won and Clint to bite.

However, with both of them in more then me there is a side pot. So I don't get to see anything until the end. Community cards are, 9h, Qc, Jc, Qh, Kd.

Woot! I have a set of queens and thinking I have it Clint and Won call each other and show...

...AJ for Won. I am so thinking I have this. Only card that could screw me is a...

...MOTHER%#@*&%! 10. Yep that's right Clint had pocket 10s and takes my ass down. Not to mention a chunk out of Won.

Oh well I have piss poor cards all night, not much I can do. I managed some decent hands here and there but it just wasn't there tonight.

Ken follows me not too much later, getting taken down when he goes all in trying to keep his hopes alive, by Craig's set of Jacks.

Then Won goes all in, I think it was an outside shot at buying the pot or a check raise, Clint throws him off by going all in.

Won looks him in the eye and tell him "Fuck you" then on the luck of the cards takes the pot and doubles up anyway.

However he promptly loses a large portion of that to John, who bails out his steadily declining chip stack to stay alive a bit longer.

Then Clint, Craig, and Won go all in. With Clint holding the chip count over the two of them he could bust them both out. We get the show of cards. Won has Ks 10h, Clint 2c Jc, Craig Ad 5c. Flop is Qs, 7c, 2h. Clint has an early lead with a pair of twos. Turn is 4s, no help. River is 2d. This gives Clint a set of twos and we say good bye to Won and Craig.

This leaves only John and Clint. I did mention that Frenchy was out right? I'm sure I did.

Well it doesn't take long when we get John all in with Ad 8c against Clint's Kh 5h. Well we see 2c 10h 2h on the flop. John has it with a pair and the Ace kicker, but the dies on the turn when the 3h comes up completing Clint's flush. 3d on the river is moot as John was drawing dead.

And there you have it. Clint wins a wad of cash, but he won't get the gold medal since Poker isn't an Olympic sport. He'll have to join the curling team to get that. We will just have to wait until next month to for me to get my title back.

It just wasn't in the cards.

And I leave you with the quote of the night. "The bet is two thousand to you. I check."